Ripple Effect
by babbledybook
Summary: What came to my brain at the end of s5e10... A happier, Darvey way to await the next few episodes


-Takes place after the Jessica confidence vote-

Harvey goes home (having totally missed the fact that Mike didn't make it to the elevators unescorted). As he looked at the basketballs on his windowsill, he decided he's leaving packing for another day. It's too much to tackle at the moment; besides, resigning didn't mean he wasn't still invested in his firm.

As Ray drops him off, his mind starts to wander about how he'll spend his time with no law to practice. It's true, he could try a similarly cutthroat occupation… but he figures he's racked up some serious vacation time which he now has an excuse to enjoy.

He unlocks the door and throws his jacket over one of the chairs in the kitchen. He fills up the kettle, figuring that tea will fill him with some semblance of peace. As he waits for the water to boil, he closes his eyes and consciously relaxes his shoulders. _It's done._ He started to mentally review all the reasons this was the right choice, working to squelch the slowly growing anxiety through rational thought and deep breathing.

He stops his breathing altogether when he hears a noise, definitely a person, from his living room, though there's no one he can see in a quick once-over. Cautiously assuming a ready-to-box stance, he walks over to investigate… and is happily surprised. Donna is lying on his couch, asleep and breathing softly. He gives a small smile, then his eyebrows knit together, _How did she get in here?_ He dismissed the question as quickly as it came; she is Donna, after all.

Looking at her curled up against the back of his couch, he realized she must have fallen asleep waiting for him. As he smiles at what would bring her here, he can't decide what course of action to take. He desperately wants to wake her, process his resignation with her, have her commend his decision. But then he's also unsure of why she's here, and when she's sleeping, he can imagine her smiling at him and not passing judgment or giving him an option he should have used instead.

He decides to cover her with a blanket and goes to his bedroom to grab a throw from the closet. When he returns, she's stirring. He thinks for a moment she'll stay asleep, but then her eyes open.

"Harvey?"

"Sorry I woke you." He sits down beside her gently.

"What're you doing here?"

Harvey blinks and looks around his own apartment with a bemused and questioning look. "Well… this is where I live."

"Hunh?" she looks around, eyes opening wider and becoming less clouded, "Oh." She shakes her head with a sudden start, as a thought has just occurred to her, "Where have you been?!"

Harvey breathes deeply. "I went to see my psychiatrist."

"I know," she shakes her head. "I mean after – I must've just missed you."

"You went to see my psychiatrist?"

"Well, yes… I mean, I was looking for you… the vote!" Her voice becomes louder as the urgency returns to her slowly waking brain. "Jessica needs you!" She moves to sit up fully, but Harvey places a hand on her shoulder.

"It's over."

Donna looks at him with fearful eyes.

"Jessica's still managing partner."

Donna sighs deeply and nods her head. "Good." As their conversation stops altogether, Donna searches for conversation fodder. "Are you okay?" she asks, looking almost scared to hear his answer, but looking him full in the face regardless.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I didn't ask about why you went to see Dr. Agard today. Are you, y'know, okay?"

He smiles and nods. "I am now."

She nods once, decisively. "Good. I like her, by the way. She seems… good at what she does."

Harvey gives her a puzzled look. "I'm pretty sure she's not allowed to tell you anything about what happens in her office."

"Oh, she's not." Harvey's puzzled look deepens. "But I'm still Donna."

He breaks into a smile that matches hers. "You are, aren't you?" They smile at each other just long enough that Harvey decides he has to delve into the next question. He clears his throat, "How's Mitchell?"

It's Donna's turn for a puzzled look. "What? Oh. Um, well… y'know, things weren't really… headed in the right– there was a lot he couldn't understand about my job and how seriously I take it and I just… I decided to end it." Harvey takes a breath that expands his chest so much, he's afraid one of his shirt buttons may pop. She continues, "I would say, 'end it before anyone was heartbroken,' but, well, there's no helping that when you lose me – poor guy."

Harvey's grin stretched from ear to ear.

"What're you so happy about?"

"Something else happened at the vote – because of the vote."

"Jack Soloft was fired?" she spat out.

Harvey shook his head. "I resigned."

Donna stopped breathing and her face looked as though she'd been struck. "Harvey… I'm so sorry."

Harvey did his best to shrug convincingly, but this was Donna. "It'll be okay."

Donna nodded encouragingly, "Absolutely! I mean, you could travel the world, start a non-profit, learn how to juggle, raise giant pandas, become a cobbler…" She took a deep breath as he began to chuckle. "What're you going to do?"

He looked down at his hands. "I'm not really sure," he said as he made eye contact with her again. "I told Jessica I may come back at some point, but this will be indefinite, and I don't want to hold her to anything for the time being."

"So you might come back." It had come out much more excitedly than she'd meant it to.

"Might." He breathed deeply and tried not to worry about his possible future of never practicing law again. "But for right now, it'll be Pearson Litt, and that may not change for a long time."

Donna swallowed audibly, "Was it worth it?"

"We'll see. It was the only way to get Forstman to back down. And it helped Jessica win the vote. And it'll help the firm – they can do what they do instead of fighting off Hardman."

She smiled encouragingly at him, almost tearing up. "It was worth it." She put one of her hands over his, "but you're gonna need a hobby."

He cleared his throat and looked up at her bashfully. "Donna…" he breathed long, "I had, well… some thoughts about… things that might… occupy my time. And keep me sane." As he spoke the last sentence, he put his hand up to her face, gently running his thumb over her cheekbone.

Her mouth opened, and she blinked in total astonishment. Five seconds later, she closed it again, clenched her eyes, and shook her head as if to shake off the hypnotic power of Harvey's touch. "Wait." She looked him dead in the eye and poked her finger in his chest. "If you're proposing what I think you're proposing, it'd better be motivated by more than your boredom!" Her accusing gaze pinned him.

"What? That's not what I meant. I mean, what I meant is I'm gonna have a lot more time to devote to the important things in life," Harvey leaned in until their foreheads met, "like you."

She could feel herself slowly melting. "Harvey…" she grabbed his face with both hands, pulled him away to the closest distance that still allowed them to focus. "I love you. You love me. That won't go away overnight."

He swallowed, "Promise?"

She smiled; he was reassured, "Promise."

"So why're you about to say, 'but?'" he expressed the lingering worry.

Her hands fell from his face. "Because, your whole world is about to change. And I don't want to… add to that confusion."

He sat back at that, affronted and confused. "Donna, I don't think you understand." He felt anxiety rising in his chest; he shoved it back down. "You… you are the thing I want to… define what my life looks like moving forward. As much as I feel foolish to admit it, that has been true since I met you. It's why I asked you to come with me from the DA's office – I couldn't've explained it at the time, but it's because I couldn't imagine my life without you and I couldn't figure out a way to make sure you… didn't leave me… other than asking you to work for me. It's why I lost my head when you were fired; it's why I had to start seeing a psychiatrist when you went to Louis! I don't know how anything in my life makes sense without you in it."

"…so you want me to be in a relationship with you… so your life doesn't spin out of control?" she shot him a confused and accusatory look.

"Well… yes… kind of. But not…" He stood and began pacing, as if it would bring his words more readily, help her understand. "I'm trying to work through my shit, Donna. But I still have plenty to wade through, so… this is what I can explain for now: I have always loved you. But on some level, that terrifies me because in my experience, people I love leave me or betray me. So my only option to make sure that you would be in my life was to… control you… and keep you at a safe distance so you wouldn't control me." His anxiety is ebbing away as he focuses on the fact that she's still there, hearing him out. He sits back down, grabbing her hands in his. "I don't want to control you. I want you to be happy. But yes, it's true – I also want to be happy. And I know that I don't know how to be happy without you in my life. And I know that as I stop trying to control you and keep a safe distance, I am falling madly in love with you. So even if everything else in my life goes to shit, I can be okay as long as you're there."

As he realizes that he's not sure how garbled his thoughts had come out, he asks, "Did that make sense?" His heart has finally slowed, and he's able to focus again on her face; she's crying as she nods.

"Dr. Agard really is good." She smiles as he wipes away one trail of tears. "I'm so… proud of you." She gazed at him as if she'd not seen him for years, tilting her head slightly.

"Really?" He'd felt so humiliated having to confess to what he was realizing were his maladaptive coping skills.

She over-nodded, knowing he needed all the bolstering she could muster. Wiping the last of her tears away, she said, "You just told me that you love me," she paused, "but that you want me to be happy. You asked me to be in your life instead of demanding it. And you told me how afraid you are to let me in. I love you. I love you," she shook her head as if it made no sense, "so much. But you don't usually do Vulnerable Harvey; and in showing me that, you've proved how much you love and trust me. And…" she closed the distance between them on the couch, "now I can join you in protecting Vulnerable Harvey."

He leaned in, "You've always protected me. You've protected the parts of me that I've ignored. I've always trusted you. I just… didn't know how to love open-handed."

Donna's lips twisted up in a wicked smile. "Do you need a tutor?"

Harvey worked to look as innocent as possible while still smiling wolfishly. "I could definitely use some private lessons…" and their lips met in a tentative, heartfelt kiss. He pulled back minimally and said against her lips, "I recently became unemployed, though, so I hope you'll consider some pro bono work." She smiled broadly, keeping their noses touching.

"Luckily, my day job pays me quite well…" and she kissed him soundly.


End file.
